I have some very personal feelings about politics, but I don't get into it because I do comedy already.

I've had great success being a total idiot.

I am probably the most selfish man you will ever meet in your life. No one gets the satisfaction or the joy that I get out of seeing kids realize there is hope.

People hate me because I am a multifaceted, talented, wealthy, internationally famous genius.

Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.

I turned down 'Some Like It Hot.' See how smart I am? I felt I couldn't bring anything funny to it. The outfit was funny. I don't need to compete with the wardrobe.

If you're an old pro, you know how well you're doing when you're doing it, and your inner government spanks you if you're not doing well.

I never got a formal education. So my intellect is my common sense. I don't have anything else going for me. And my common sense opens the door to instinct.

We all spend our lives living beside the people we could have been.

Nothing thwarts happiness so much as the memory of happiness.

Knowledge does not equate to intelligence. It is the application of knowledge that separates the genius from the fool.

A bad relationship can do that, can make you doubt everything good you ever felt about yourself.

I will stand up for what I believe and for what I have always believed: Every person has a right to be rich in this country and I want to help them get there.

Who climbs the grammar-tree, distinctly knows Where noun, and verb, and participle grows.

Disasters have no mercy hours where they stop visiting the people; for them, all hours are favourite and legitimate to visit!

Life is about trying things to see if they work.

Class is a way of looking at society that divides people into different categories based on how much money they're willing to make.

It is so easy to forget that this is good that we're alive. We should be enjoying this gift of being alive