Comedian Quotes

As a comedian, I have the gift of looking at something a bit differently and making it funny. I'm not sure why I can do that, but that's as simple as I can put it.

I'm a good counter comedian. I can just work it off with looks, or have something crazy to say back. That works for me.

I think it's kind of crazy that we're still calling comedians "female comedians." That seems more like a sneak attack.

For generations comedians have made jokes about Scots-Irish in the South inter-breeding. "I am my own grandpa" and all that stuff; you know, because they all were marrying their first cousins.

A lot of comedians are selfish.

Let's face it, the great comedians now that are handicapped in the looks department are tremendous writers.

I love mixing with comedians when I'm working with them, but when I'm not I don't feel the need to hang around with them.

Comedians want to be rock legends for a day - that sounds fun to them.

I love music. I've always wanted to do music, even when I started out as a comedian.

All of us black comedians are trying to be mainstream, but you don't want to lose the edge.

I am a comedian and you guys know whatever I say, I don't mean any of it.

It's hard to learn about comedy from comedians. Comedy is not something that you necessarily learn or can imitate. You're funny or you're not, and you hope what you're doing is funny.

For some reason I get advertised when I travel as a political comedian, which I'm not. Sometimes I talk about it and sometimes I don't.

I've been insane for a long time. An ex-girlfriend of mine once asked, "Is it true that all comedians are depressed?," and I said, "Every one I know is."

If Jay spent as much time studying as he does trying to be a comedian, he'd be a big star.

When you do late-night TV, you do different jokes in the same place every night. When you're on the road as a comedian, you do the same jokes in a different place every night.

What I like about stand-up is, it's truthful. I'm not up there trying to get laid or look cool. I'm up there because I really love it, and it makes people happier.

But if applause throws off your timing, then you're not the kind of comedian I would like to see. All you have to do is stand there and take it.

Comedians are always going to be in the showbiz middle class, you're not Brad Pitt; you're never going to be Sam Rockwell or Shia LaBeouf or Leo DiCaprio. You're a comic.

There's nothing better for a comedian than adversity.

I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.

As a comedian I appreciate every kind of comedy. You decide for yourself what you're going to do.

I think with a comedian, when you get to the point of a greatest hits, it's kind of an acknowledgment that you've been doing stand-up a long time, which not very many people do.

It's very rare that an older comedian sort of slips into an old-school clunker. You know, you don't hear too much of that anymore.

I really will never understand pushing back on comedians who are like, "I'm like a politician campaigning and shaking hands with these people. They're going to be okay."

[Twitter] is not totally where I go anymore to sell myself as a concept, as a comedian, because it moves too fast.

I wanted to be in Jim Carrey comedy movies before I met him. I wanted to be a comedian on Stage 19, yukking it up.

I am a comedian and I started in stand-up when I was 22.

The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didn't have that kind of personality, and it's a terrifying thing to say.

The greatest thing about being a comedian is knowing other comedians. And you get to talk to them. Its the most fun.

Magicians are definitely more arrogant. They're kind of like "Abra Kadabra, you're an idiot," they don't let you in on the joke. Comedians, you're always in on the joke unless it's Andy Kaufman.

Comics write to their point of view. If you're an exceedingly irreverent comedian, you've got to see where that point of view fits or produces the most funny.

Even when you hear about a comedian getting married, among comedians, we're always kind of like, what are they doing?

There's something about being a parent that has, I think, made me a better comedian.

I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this.

Comedians rarely have writers, and if you do it's usually a sign of laziness.

I wish, in some ways, I was the type of comedian who could do something blistering and topical, but I'm the guy who gets stuck in the revolving door and thinks I should write about that.

I personally have no interest in being a star or a celebrity. I want my stand-up comedy and how I think as a comedian to be recognized and successful.

I'm a comedian, which is the opposite of a lifestyle that equips you to be a parent.

Christians have always been fodder for comedians who have tended to portray them as anoraks - slightly clammy, beatifically smiley dullards with barely a personality between them.

I've often heard it said a preacher might learn with a comedian for a teacher.

The funniest comedians are in touch with their emotional level.

To be a comedian, you gotta jokesmith, there's no way around it.

It really helps a comedian to be an outsider.

I realize how desperate it sounds for me, as a comedian, to ask you to laugh at my jokes.

I have not moved out of the comedian's box into the news box. The news box is moving towards me.

That's what it's like to be a comedian. You basically stand and stare at the world and hope it craps out cause that's a good year for you. So that's not a pleasant feeling.

Hopefully the only things off-limits are crummy jokes, but being a standup comedian, I know that's not always the case... You know it when you have to take a shower afterward.

As a comedian, as a person, as a citizen, as a mammal - in all of those areas, I am looking forward to the end of the Bush administration with every fiber of my being.

I'm an actor, I'm not a comedian, I never was a comedian.