I'm a comedian, which is the opposite of a lifestyle that equips you to be a parent.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

[The] Japanese were a people in a profound, inverse, reverse, or if I preferred it, even perverse sense, more in love with death than living.

It's a cycle... Religion is a source of relief for those who seek to anesthetize the pain that comes from following its beliefs.

With an attitude of respect and concern for other beings, we can create an atmosphere of happiness, real harmony and real brotherhood.

Looper is another great film.

I totally don't know what to do." He got up and started pacing. "Am I supposed to get you a present? Or maybe a card. I'm completely lost.

I see myself continuing to be a songwriter and a motivator and someone that has grown in her faith.

The people who send us fan mail written in blood say the nicest things, so it doesn't freak us out too much.

Clarity is the answer to anxiety. Effective leaders are clear.

Education will open doors where none seem to exist.

That is one of the characteristics of fascism, the idea that the state can provide all of the answers for everyone.