I have not moved out of the comedian's box into the news box. The news box is moving towards me.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

Self-pity does not appreciate pedantry.

Stencils are good for two reasons; one - they're quick; two - they annoy idiots.

The horse is so honest.... they live in the moment. And what they do, whether they need to protect themselves or whether they need to accept you really is directly relative to how you make them feel.

The experience taught me that the essence of a Cambridge education centers on two questions: What does it mean? How do you know?

I'm interested in designing not the object but the process that leads to the object.

Habit is second nature.

Wars begin when you will, but they do not end when you please.

It's not a good idea to put your wife into a novel; not your latest wife anyway.

It's hard as a person to just put your life out there for the world to judge. That's what music is and what you're supposed to do with the art, live and release it to the world.

Every thing at a startup gets modeled after the founders. Whatever the founders do becomes the culture.