Jen Kirkman Quotes

I finally understand that it’s okay to be a little afraid of things but that obsessing over them does not mean you have any more control over what you fear.

People said to me, "You know, when you record a special, you're going to regret it. The one thing you'll regret because you're a comic is you'll think of better tags."

I realized I need a certain kind of chemistry and a certain kind of look to be into someone, and like 1 percent of the population has it.

I find it actually the height of romance to legally bind yourself to someone because you're really taking care of someone, and letting them take care of you. I actually have no cynicism about that.

Instead of saving for someone else's college education, I'm currently saving for a luxury retirement community replete with golf carts and handsome young male nurses who love butterscotch.

Sometimes I look [ on trolls on Twitter], but even one ignorant comment can make me go, "Oh god."

I am just really focused in on what I love doing, but I would be a moron to not take some of my natural talent - I'm not saying I'm that talented, but I have enough acting and writing talent to go.

What I found out about myself was I am not someone who doesn't believe in marriage.

I used to make albums because I wasn't touring, and so I thought, "This is the best way for people to find out about me.

Its almost Thanksgiving! A day when you get to hear your extended family use racial slurs for groups are not taking away their jobs.

That's the same thing that is making me like George W. Bush. "He was nice. I know he was nice. He didn't know what he was doing but he was nice."

[People] might turn into [Donald] Trump supporters who think, "Hey, I get what women are saying." So any chance I get to have people listen that should hear me is good.

There's something grand and revolutionary still about [women] traveling alone. There are some parts of the world where you can't.

I'm sure kids had masturbated by sixth grade. I had for sure.

Testosterone makes you completely out of control, but that's okay.

I'm just going to go to schools and give inspirational speeches about our bodies. I'll just wear flowing dresses and talk way quieter than I can.

I don't have anything to do all year. I'm not on tour until September.

I want to re-visit everything. We're people and we're so different. I think it would just be nice if it wasn't just like, "Eww, women." That would be a big thing for me.

I have a new rule where I only follow fashion people on Instagram.

For me, making any kind of resolution or saying, "I'm doing this!" can only cause pain, to get very deep.

Any expectation is what pain is.

I just try to live a moderate life of always checking and trying to be the best person I can be and I'm in therapy and am always working on something.

I don't run around feeling infused with positivity, but I'll have to be taking my last breath before I'll admit I'm dying. So I'm either optimistic or in denial.

I don't understand why every single person in Congress isn't standing up and going, "He [Donald Trump] is in bed with Russia." And then they could just lock their arms and not let him in.

[Congress] can just make [Mitt] Romney president. And we'd be like, "All right, fine."

My birthday is in August - right before September, so I have that "back to school" feeling ingrained in me so that time of year is when I usually do personal goals or resolutions.

I did buy a new piece of furniture so it's like, "Oh, that's something new." But generally my goals are made in the fall.

Have you ever seen the stereotype of the angry yoga teacher? There are some people that are at an 11 and yoga takes them down to a nine. That's me.

[Yoga] never calms me. Ever. But it certainly helps me prevent something.

I'm wired to be neurotic and loud and high-strung.

I'm not anxious, I'm high-strung. I just decided that's the difference for me.

I'm not like Woody Allen like, "Oh my god what's going to happen? Ooh Ooh Oohhh." I'm just high-strung. So I do need to do a lot of stuff.

I know everyone says they go to yoga, but I actually really go. I notice that helps me so much.

Everyone traveling alone is just on their phones the whole time.

I have no choice sometimes, but there's something about being alone. When I'm alone I might not speak for 24 hours, but you're totally seeing things. It's a pretty cool experience.

I mean, I can't say that I've had many deep thoughts because I traveled alone, but it's good to be with myself in the quiet.

When you travel, people might not have the same ideas about what is interesting. I'm not really good at compromising when I travel.

I actually really do meditation and then I spend my morning reading.

[Twitter] certainly doesn't hurt me. I'm not in any pain over any of the things I see. I'm just more disappointed.

I want to be one of those cool people that's like, "What is Twitter?" and just be totally blind to it.

God, there's teaching biology and teaching sexuality, and it's two separate things. They mix it and make it more of a morality thing where it's like, "A man and woman have a baby."

I log out of Twitter on my computer so I have to log in and then I log back out.

I don't like news channels so I have six websites that I check and I get the daily update.

I try to minimize the noise, and I don't use Facebook except for my fan page, and I don't look at anything. It's getting a lot easier.

I don't have that addictive, "What's going on?" feeling anymore, thank god.

I'm still hibernating so I get really frustrated with other people's goals and just stop.

I put my filter on, though, and I only see things people I follow [on Twitter] write now. So, I don't even know anymore [ trolls].

I always try to be open to whatever the universe wants from me.

My rule is if one person says it, a thousand people want to say it. That goes for compliments too. I try to balance it out in my head.

I think Twitter is kind of boring, to be honest. To me, it's not even real life.