You know how funerals are not for the dead, they’re for the living? Bachelor parties are not for the groom, they’re for the uncommitted.

People are like music, some speak the truth and others are just noise.

Alcohol is really just the liquid version of Photoshop.

Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood.

Friendship is so weird. You just pick a human you've met and you're like, 'Yep, I like this one,' and you just do stuff with them.

I'm a nut, but not just a nut.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

You can tell how boring a person is by the lack of fear in their eyes when someone is flipping through photos on their phone.

Just beat my record for most consecutive days without dying.

The secret is to have a sense of yourself, your real self, your unique self. And not just once in a while, or once a day, but all through the day, the week and life.

Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.

Always fall in with what you're asked to accept.... My aim in life has always been to hold my own with whatever's going. Not against: with.

Pain is inevitable. Misery is optional

I don't see anything immoral, unethical or illegal for a person in a democratic society to be able to spend their own money on the health care of themself or a loved one.

It would perhaps be nice to be alternately the victim and the executioner.

The creation of new capital always... releases... labor. Its actual effect [though] is not to make jobs scarce, but to free men's labor for other jobs.

Those who have heard me speak from time to time know that quite often I cite the observation of that great American author, Mark Twain, who said, history does not repeat itself, but it rhymes.

What gets measured gets done, what gets measured and fed back gets done well, what gets rewarded gets repeated

I have a Disability yes that's true, but all that really means is I may have to take a slightly different path than you.

Around mid-life everyone goes maniac a little bit.

I'm not saying that a child who was abused or beaten or abandoned made that happen, but your reaction to it is always yours.