You can't teach an old hater new truths.

I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.

I'm a late-night guy.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.

When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.

Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.

The political Greeders mindset wastes resources that could transform the future of tens of millions of people and the destinies of the countries.We need to rethink Leadership and politics.

Because the eye has seen, thoughts are structured upon images and not upon ideas.

In a film, you always try to have your main character be changed by the end.

Mathematics was hard, dull work, I thought; geography pleased me more. For my other studies, as well as for dancing, I was quite enthusiastic.

It's so much easier to be cynical.

Whenever Im having a bad day and have an attitude, I stay home. I keep it at home.

Two wings lift a person up from earthly concerns: Simplicity in intention, and Purity in feeling.

Music is one of those things that make us feel a little less alone in the world.

Screaming, it's not me. I tried it before! Action is more my thing. Not talking. It's hard for me to have word fights, fighting with words. I'd rather just listen.