When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.

My fashion philosophy is, if you're not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.

It doesn't bother me that I'm not a household word on the East Coast. Baton Rouge, Raleigh, Minneapolis - I'm so popular in these cities where you've never imagined an East Coast comedian working.

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.

Success without fulfillment is failure

Dance with the waves of sea and sing with the sky, touch the sands with love and let your mind fly high.

Come what may, all bad fortune is to be conquered by endurance.

The movie is someone else's art. But it's great marketing for books.

How many chances to you get to make a musical about a serial killer? The minute Tim Burton approached me, I was in.

Love itself compensates for any diminishment.

Writing about an idea frees me of it. Thinking about it is a circle of repetitions.

Heartsick, heartbroken - to know love is to know pain. What could be more common? Even so, each broken heart is so singular that with it we probe the divine.

Everybody at home speaks mandarin except me.

Do we soon forget the things we cannot see?