Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping.

I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.

My fashion philosophy is, if you're not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.

It doesn't bother me that I'm not a household word on the East Coast. Baton Rouge, Raleigh, Minneapolis - I'm so popular in these cities where you've never imagined an East Coast comedian working.

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.

Smile, just to infuriate those who envy you.

Lust? I have no desire to incite lust in anyone."Veliss turned to her with a quizzical expression, her smile suddenly genuine. "Then I'm afraid you're in for a lifetime of disappointment.

Decision and purpose directed actions define destination.

I'm like the annoying guy in the street.

He's marked his entrance with an error of some momentum

I admire the abstract expressionists and pop artists so right now I'm referencing American '60s art and at the same time referencing Japanese manga culture.

I've always feel like it's been my place to offer an alternative.

Balder the Beautiful Is dead, is dead!

Of course we all know that Morris was a wonderful all-round man, but the act of walking round him has always tired me.

Wow," Thalia muttered. "Apollo is hot." "He's the sun god," I said. "That's not what I meant.