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Anthony Jeselnik Quotes: When I was seven, I broke my leg playing soccer. Just to feel something.
         

When I was seven, I broke my leg playing soccer. Just to feel something.


Anthony Jeselnik
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Other quotes of Anthony Jeselnik


My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I don't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend.

My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I don't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend.



I've got a kid in Africa that I feed, that I clothe, that I school, that I inoculate for 75 cents a day. Which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send him there.

I've got a kid in Africa that I feed, that I clothe, that I school, that I inoculate for 75 cents a day. Which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send him there.



People say it's easy to make fun of retarded people, but it's not. You really have to explain it to them.

People say it's easy to make fun of retarded people, but it's not. You really have to explain it to them.



Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence; because if she doesn't have that, then she’s mine.

Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence; because if she doesn't have that, then she’s mine.



My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.

My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.



The world is full of horrible things that will eventually get you and everything you care about. Laughter is a universal way to lift your head up and say: 'Not today, you bastards.'

The world is full of horrible things that will eventually get you and everything you care about. Laughter is a universal way to lift your head up and say: 'Not today, you bastards.'



Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car. It wasn't serious — nobody saw me.

Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car. It wasn't serious — nobody saw me.



You'll get my assault weapon when you pry it out of my curious six-year-old's cold dead hands.

You'll get my assault weapon when you pry it out of my curious six-year-old's cold dead hands.



I got an email from my ex, telling me that she has AIDS. I didn't know how to comfort her, so I just wrote back I know.

I got an email from my ex, telling me that she has AIDS. I didn't know how to comfort her, so I just wrote back I know.



I've got a long history of suicid in my family; the good news is it skips a generation, so, if I'm lucky, my kids will kill themselves.

I've got a long history of suicid in my family; the good news is it skips a generation, so, if I'm lucky, my kids will kill themselves.





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and fear was the strongest force on earth.

and fear was the strongest force on earth.



What the hell are you doing here? You weren't on the guest list. Hell, you people aren't on anybody's guest list. If you turned up at a funeral, the corpse would walk out on you.

What the hell are you doing here? You weren't on the guest list. Hell, you people aren't on anybody's guest list. If you turned up at a funeral, the corpse would walk out on you.



No wonder you and Jace like each other so much. You're both crazy walking arsenals.

No wonder you and Jace like each other so much. You're both crazy walking arsenals.



We have to have a special insight, or we'll put it in the 'too tough' basket. All of you have to look for a special area of competency and focus on that.

We have to have a special insight, or we'll put it in the 'too tough' basket. All of you have to look for a special area of competency and focus on that.



To the patriots I say this: Take that long eternal look. Stand up for freedom, no matter what the cost. Stand up and be counted. It can help to save your soul-and maybe your country.

To the patriots I say this: Take that long eternal look. Stand up for freedom, no matter what the cost. Stand up and be counted. It can help to save your soul-and maybe your country.



I describe in a realistic form a nonrealistic Reality.

I describe in a realistic form a nonrealistic Reality.



The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.

The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.



Each individual woman's body demands to be accepted on its own terms.

Each individual woman's body demands to be accepted on its own terms.



All you have to do is be a little bit specific, and all of a sudden, you have your own little niche and people are going to watch.

All you have to do is be a little bit specific, and all of a sudden, you have your own little niche and people are going to watch.



In America you can say anything you want - as long as it doesn't have any effect.

In America you can say anything you want - as long as it doesn't have any effect.




Quote Description


This page presents the quote "When I was seven, I broke my leg playing soccer. Just to feel something.". Author of this quote is Anthony Jeselnik. This quote is about soccer, playing soccer, legs, seven, broke,.