When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

Plants and Books are silent Friends to Mankind.The former grows silently to let you live.The later grows you silently to 'live

I survive on moments of make-believe happiness.

Get married because you can’t imagine another day without talking with that person, because that person makes your day sunnier. Don’t get married because you don’t want to be alone.

One of the things that got me transitioning from physical science to brain science was asking, Why do we understand so much about the universe?

The New York playgoer is a child of nature, and he has an honest and wholesome regard of whatever is atrocious in art.

Blessed are they who never read a newspaper, for they shall see Nature, and through her, God.

It's incredible to be young and live here and not have to clean up your dorm room.

He was so dominant. Bobby was the greatest defenseman who ever played the game as far as I'm concerned. I believe in my heart he changed the face of the game.

Success without duplication is merely future failure in disguise.

Animals outline their territories with their excretions, humans outline their territories by ink excretions on paper.