We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

Millions of things came back to her. Atoms danced apart and massed themselves. But how did they compose what people called a life?

I didn't know I was a slave until I found out I couldn't do the things I wanted.

Do not feel alone.You are connected to everyoneyesterday, today, and for days to come connected with a threadless garlandthat is love.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

Wouldn't it be much worse if life really were fair and all the terrible things that happen to us happen because we really deserve them?

There are certainly not so many men of large fortune in the world, as there are pretty women to deserve them.

I've never once heard my mom complain about her stroke.

I'm so boy-crazy. It's like I don't even know what's wrong with me. I love boys.

If your customers are demanding, be thankful.

As God's child advances spiritually be shall discover that the Lord's time is as important as the Lord's will. Do not rashly beget an Ishmael lest he become the greatest enemy to Isaac.