The key to attempting to create art in some aspect is also knowing that it will turn some people off.

I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.

I'm a late-night guy.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.

When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.

Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.

He has a magic touch. He can turn a G into a C. My heart was made of gold

The future belongs to crowds.

Why? Oh, well - I thought you'd be rather an attractive person to marry. That's all. I mean, I sort of took a fancy to you. I can't tell you why. There's no rule about it, you know.

Grammatici certant et adhuc sub iudice lis est. - Grammarians dispute, and the case it still before the courts.

Sometimes if you talk trash, you end up taking out the garbage.

I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.

There's not a lot of direct back story but you do get to see them playing around each other a lot.

Reality is obtained not by imitation, but by producing the sense of nature.

Homes-the very idea of homeownership-evoke a strong emotional reaction in all of us.