Sure Vietnam is a dirty war. I've never heard of a clean one.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

It's YOUR health. Don't leave up to someone else.

This was the penn'worth of his thought.

How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton?

Actors have to be there and do the work, and that's enough.

I thought I was raptured up into the air today; turns out, it was just my gas oven exploding.

I'm not cocky, I'm confident. So when you tell me I'm the best it's a compliment

You always want to challenge yourself and work with people you respect. You can't always go by genres, but it's always fun to challenge yourself.

The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun.

Oh hearts! Nobody gets through life without a broken heart. The important thing is to break the heart so that when it mends it will be stronger than before.

It is to our advantage to have securities do nothing price-wise for months, or perhaps years, while we are buying them.