I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies

It is difficult to create a budget for life when we all cash out the same. Corpses have no currency." -The Years Before My Suicide

Without our Spiritual nature, life's a gift we can never fully unwrap."~ With Thine Own Eyes: Why Imitate the Past, When We Can Investigate Reality?

The peasants of all lands recognize power and they salute it, whether it's good or evil.

I can so clearly distinguish between the criminal and his crime; I can so sincerely forgive the first while I abhor the last.

If the scene bores you when you read it, rest assured it WILL bore the actors, and will then bore the audience, and we're all going to be back in the breadline.

Women need men like fish need bicycles.

There is something more important than the place being left. It's that swell of crushing emptiness that makes the insignificant seem anything but.

The less we read, the more harmful it is what we read.

We are the most brutal with the people we love the most.

I feel that people need to be jolted out of their comfort zones.