A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies

Learn to grow with what each season brings.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

He is the ugliest thing I have ever seen. I have watched Lord of the Rings and films with strange looking people, but for a human being to look like he does is pretty shocking.

All ethical people strive to choose "right" over "easy" when confronted by situations that force them to choose one or the other.

The United States is my subject, but as Hawthorne once wrote, "the United States are suited for many admirable purposes, but not to live in."

Be not afraid of rowing slowly. Be afraid of standing still.

Mostly, what I have learned so far about aging, despite the creakiness of one's bones and cragginess of one's once-silken skin, is this: Do it. By all means, do it.

There is no reason to confuse television news with journalism.

I had things with numbers - because I love numbers - but it's not something I'm proud of. I'm proud that I was able to send them away, because you're much more present.

Nothing makes a man more reverent than a library.