I thought I was raptured up into the air today; turns out, it was just my gas oven exploding.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

You're reacted to the fear, but you haven't ever faced it and put it into the fight perspective. You have to make up your mind to overcome it.

Psychology is the science of the intellects, characters and behavior of animals including man.

When you have a baby, love is automatic, when you get married, love is earned.

The essence of a democracy is a free electorate.

In the beginning there was a river. The river became a road and the road branched out to the whole world. And because the road was once a river it was always hungry.

If wine tells truth - and so have said the wise, It makes me laugh to think how brandy lies!

Always be shorter than anybody dared to hope.

There is no end to the deceits of the past.

The accursed hunger for gold.

A mixtape is for the street, it's something you without necessarily thinking about it, because you have to stay in the game. It's like writing an e-mail saying hello to your friends.