The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies

Reason offers us many possibilities at once. Intuition infallibly chooses the best. Remember this and you cannot err; you will always make the right choice.

Morally, a philosopher who uses his professional competence for anything except a disinterested search for truth is guilty of a kind of treachery.

There really is "no effort without error and shortcoming" and there really is no triumph without vulnerability.

I always loved rapping ever since Snoop said "1-2-3-4," I was repeating lines, but I didn't start writing my own lyrics until I was twelve.

The person who properly disciplines himself to do those things that he does not especially care to do, becomes successful.

In life, always choose a serious rival even if you know you have no chance to win, because a good rival is always a good teacher!

If they want to hang me, let them. And on the scaffold I will shout Freedom for the working class!

The powerful feed ideology to the masses like fast food while they dine on that most rarefied delicacy: impunity.

If you kill someone in Texas, we'll kill ya back.

Arms control has to have a future, or none of us does. But it doesn't necessarily have to come in big packages of 600-page treaties.