Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points.

I don’t drink anymore - just the same amount.

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.

I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.

Give 'em all the same grub and all the same pay/And the war would be over and done in a day." - All Quiet On The Western Front, Ch. 3

There are two futures, the future of desire and the future of fate, and man's reason has never learned to separate them.

i do not give a sh*t, the toilet miss me now

My Opinion Is Just Opinion

Eight hours of work, eight hours of play, eight hours of sleep - eight hours a day!

With some exceptions, the wrong people are running U.S. companies. It's been that way for years, and it hasn't gotten much better.

Do not put all your goods in hollow ships.

Comedy and sausages are the two things that if you know how they're made they affect the appetite.

The Moon and Pleiades have set, / Midnight is nigh, / The time is passing, passing, yet / Alone I lie.

Englishmen are babes in philosophy and so prefer faction-fighting to the labour of its unfamiliar thought.