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Joe E. Lewis Quotes

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Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster."

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.



Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points."

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points.




Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "I don’t drink anymore - just the same amount."

I don’t drink anymore - just the same amount.



Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them."

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.




Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough."

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.



Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks."

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.



Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses."

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.




Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty."

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.



Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves."

I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.



Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "It pays to get drunk with the best people."

It pays to get drunk with the best people.



Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "I drink to forget I drink."

I drink to forget I drink.



Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play."

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.




Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest."

Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.



Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to roll over and float on his back, then you got something!"

You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to roll over and float on his back, then you got something!



Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty."

There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.



Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on."

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.



Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin."

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.



Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "I met with an accident on the way to the track; I arrived safely."

I met with an accident on the way to the track; I arrived safely.



Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for U.S. Steel."

Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for U.S. Steel.



Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise."

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.



Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people."

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people.



Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on."

Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on.



Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "I always wake up at the crack of ice."

I always wake up at the crack of ice.



Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money."

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money.



Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "If you drink like a fish, don't drive: swim."

If you drink like a fish, don't drive: swim.



Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "I know a lot more old drunks than old doctors."

I know a lot more old drunks than old doctors.



Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "We can afford almost any mistake once."

We can afford almost any mistake once.



Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "Boys, I have been rich and I have been poor, and believe me being rich is better."

Boys, I have been rich and I have been poor, and believe me being rich is better.



Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "I never went to school beyond the 3rd grade, but my mother taught me the difference between right and wrong."

I never went to school beyond the 3rd grade, but my mother taught me the difference between right and wrong.



Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "I know lots more old drunks than old doctors."

I know lots more old drunks than old doctors.



Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love."

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.



Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "I play in the low eighties. If it's any hotter than that I won't play."

I play in the low eighties. If it's any hotter than that I won't play.



Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "It doesn't matter if you're rich or poor as long as you've got money."

It doesn't matter if you're rich or poor as long as you've got money.



Joe E. Lewis Quotes: "You only live once - but if you work it right once is enough."

You only live once - but if you work it right once is enough.