See, the thing of it is, there's a lot of ugly people out there walking around but they don't know they're ugly because nobody actually tells them.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

The light of a new day always chases the shadows of the night away, and shows us that the shape of our fears is only the ghost of our own minds.

The brighter the light, the deeper the shadow.

Artists must be sacrificed to their art. Like bees they must put their lives into the sting they give.

In this new, hyper competitive age, none of us, none of us can afford to be complacent.

"Well," said my aunt, "this is his boy - his son. He would be as like his father as it's possible to be, if he was not so like his mother, too."

There is no history of how bad became better.

It's an honor to win a Grammy, of course.

The meek are those who quietly submit themselves to God, to His Word and to His rod, who follow His directions, and comply with His designs, and are gentle toward all men.

The New World Order that is in the making must focus on the creation of a world of democracy, peace and prosperity for all.

Look within. The heart is the foundation of virtue; and it is for eternity ready to do virtuous works.