People never ask people doing serious music, 'Do you ever think about doing funny music?'

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads.”

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab.

236Understand the consequences of counting the moments.

Always give without remembering and always receive without forgetting.

When you're setting up a budget, a general rule is to start with your fixed expenses - your housing and insurance payments, and car payment, if you own one.

I used to wear heels because I wanted to show people I wasn't ashamed of being tall.

I've been giving this lecture to first-year classes for over twenty-five years. You'd think they would begin to understand it by now.

Well, men go to musicals. Women are the ones that buy the tickets for plays.

To enjoy the rainbow, first enjoy the rain.

IF THE LORD IS OUR JOY, OUR JOY CANNOT BE TAKEN AWAY. IT CANNOT BE LOST...JOY HAD COME TO THE WORLD, AND IT HAD COME TO STAY.

Well I DO want to go up into space, but more than that, I'm dissatisfied with the fact that humans have only gone to the moon. I want to go to Mars! I want to eventually go beyond the solar system!

Grief is the tax we pay on our attachments.