No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

I wish to say what I think and feel today with the proviso that tomorrow perhaps I shall contradict it all.

Everything I did in my life that was worthwhile, I caught hell for.

It is through Christianity that Judaism has really conquered the world. Christianity is the masterpiece of Judaism.

The three-martini lunch is the epitome of American efficiency. Where else can you get an earful, a bellyful and a snootful at the same time?

It's important to learn to laugh at ourselves. Don't take life too seriously.

True disciples are those who go beyond simply believing. They act out their belief.

I'm on probation, so I can't even pick my nose the right way.

I've arranged with my executor to be buried in Chicago. Because when I die, I want to still remain active politically.

When I wrote about the Spanish Civil War many years later, I used documents that I picked up when I was a child, as a lot hadn't been published (a lot more resources are available now).

The future is already upon us, it is just unevenly distributed.