Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

If we could light up the room with pain, we’d be such a glorious fire.

We make a living by what we give

Sometimes you have to choose between a bunch of wrong choices and no right ones. You just have to choose which wrong choices feels the least wrong.

Do not risk your life for someone who does not care about you.

No creature smarts so little as a fool.

Dance expresses joy better than anything else.

I can't help being Christian because I was brought up in Britain, and the morality of Christianity is part of the fabric of this country.

God could cause us considerable embarrassment by revealing all the secrets of nature to us: we should not know what to do for sheer apathy and boredom.

I’m living now in my reward.

No matter how humble a man's beginnings, he achieves the stature of the office to which he is elected.