Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

If you can't make ends meet, meet them in the middle instead

Criticisms are like homing pigeons. They always return home.

I don't want someone to watch sports in bed. That drives me nuts.

When you start a painting, it is somewhat outside you. At the conclusion, you seem to move inside the painting.

I am more of a visual person than a verbal person. For me, I think, the excitement is the fact that I found a way of telling the story as I want to tell it, in a medium that I could master.

A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.

America is another name for opportunity.

Leonard Chess passed, and that was the end of the Chess label for that time.

A celebrity is any well-known TV or movie star who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair.

Success goes to those who dare to dream. And sometimes you have to take a little "scary action," as well. - Joe Vitale True success is always the last of a string of failed attempts to get it right.