Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.

Culture is more often a source of conflict than of synergy. Cultural differences are a nuisance at best and often a disaster.

My object all sublime I shall achieve in time - To let the punishment fit the crime.

I'm a great sports fan, you know. I love to watch tennis and basketball and baseball and so on.

Let your tears roll tonight, but tomorrow you will start the battle again. What defeats us, always, is just our own sorrow.

Grief is a process, not a state.

Tis Love alone can make our Fetters please.

Do not use power to suppress opinions you think pernicious, for if you do the opinions will suppress you.

I want to make all Europe and America know it - I want to make England feel her weakness if she refuses to give the justice we the Irish require - the restoration of our domestic parliament.

Football is in my blood. For me the bubbles will never fade and die

By the very constitution of our nature moral evil is its own curse.