My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.

A sword held in vengeance only leads to grief.

Anything that's left that's remotely like wilderness should be left strictly alone. We have no business there any more. It's not going to save you to go in and cut the last old-stand forests.

The righteousness which is by faith in Christ is a loving heart and a loving life, which every man will long to lead who believes really in Jesus Christ.

Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul.

Why it's okay for people to tape the shows? Because even so, there's no way you can bottle up the experience. You can take the notes home, but that experience is one you have to be there.

Well-being is how I feel in my skin, not about how other people are looking at me and what they see... its what I feel like.

Let us never accept the point of view that mysteries are written by hacks. The poorest of us shed our blood over every chapter. The best of us start from scratch with every new book.

She’s pretty,” Zethes mumbled. “I mean, she’s right.

Musical theatre goes through cycles. I came in when it was at the absolute height of musical theatre as I remember it. It was the age of the long-runners.

What selfish seeds I plant along the way, black harvest today.