Its fun for me to go on other folks talk shows. When youve endured the ups and downs and tensions and pitfalls of hosting, being a guest is a piece of angel food.

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you.

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.

Censorship feeds the dirty mind more than the four-letter word itself.

It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.

I don't see the future as bright, language-wise. I see it as a glass half empty - and evaporating quickly.

I eat at this German-Chinese restaurant and the food is delicious. The only problem is that an hour later you're hungry for power.

I don't feel old. I feel like a young man that has something wrong with him.

Obviously those who burn to be professional jesters mean that they want to be successful comedians. And those are always an elite, microscopic portion of the population. But oh, how they try.

My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew's and Albert Einstein's.

You can waste a perfectly good life trying to meet the standards of someone who thinks you’re not good enough because they can’t understand who you are.

You're beautiful, but you're empty.... No one could die for you.

I'll make a horrible housewife. It's not like I'm disgusting, but I'm pretty bad about having a drink or eating something and then leaving the plate and rushing to go.

People are disposed to mistake predicting troubles for causing troubles and even for desiring troubles.

My first introduction to fashion probably came through television: I was obsessed with Elsa Klensch, who used to cover fashion for CNN.

I think values are really, really important, but I also think that too many values are just words.

I do secret stand-up shows around New York. I announce and tweet this to nobody - I get onstage and I do a quick five minutes.

We thought there was also something that was humorous but at the same time powerful and deep about naming the album, 'Modern Vampires Of The City'.

Our country! In her intercourse with foreign nations, may she always be in the right; but our country, right or wrong.

Going from three TV channels to broadcast TV to cable to talk radio; obviously the online explosion has changed things.