I don't see the future as bright, language-wise. I see it as a glass half empty - and evaporating quickly.

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you.

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.

Censorship feeds the dirty mind more than the four-letter word itself.

It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.

I eat at this German-Chinese restaurant and the food is delicious. The only problem is that an hour later you're hungry for power.

I don't feel old. I feel like a young man that has something wrong with him.

Obviously those who burn to be professional jesters mean that they want to be successful comedians. And those are always an elite, microscopic portion of the population. But oh, how they try.

My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew's and Albert Einstein's.

Just think of all the billions of coincidences that don't happen.

The best-case scenario is that the glass shatters in my face! How do you think that makes me feel?

I think a strong dollar is the result of policies, but I don't think the strong dollar is in and of itself a policy.

No matter how many years you sit doing zazen, you will never become anything special.

A Every man has a king and a fool in him and the one you talk to reacts.

And in that time, I lost my dad and had kids of my own. It was like, OK, I get it now. I know what fatherhood is all about. And you look at your parents differently

Metaphor for the night sky: a trillion asterisks and no explanations.

Americans feel as though the only position they can possibly occupy is number one and if they're not number one, well, the end of the world has come.

I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.

I'd rather sink trying to be different, than stay afloat like everyone else.

A contemporary painting is worth what someone is prepared to pay for it and not a predetermined figure.