I eat at this German-Chinese restaurant and the food is delicious. The only problem is that an hour later you're hungry for power.

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you.

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.

Censorship feeds the dirty mind more than the four-letter word itself.

It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.

I don't see the future as bright, language-wise. I see it as a glass half empty - and evaporating quickly.

I don't feel old. I feel like a young man that has something wrong with him.

Obviously those who burn to be professional jesters mean that they want to be successful comedians. And those are always an elite, microscopic portion of the population. But oh, how they try.

My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew's and Albert Einstein's.

Just think of all the billions of coincidences that don't happen.

She surveyed the carnage behind him. "Did you have fun?"He showed her his teeth. "Yes.

As in everything, nature is the best instructor.

If you keep finding yourself in the same situations, the Universe is prompting you to confront self! YOU are the common denominator.

Mothers are all slightly insane.

I became addicted to the guilt. The strange thrill of doing something so morbid, so off-color, and so completely wrong.

You can't escape the puking sphinx.

He who parades his virtues seldom leads the parade. He who puts up with insult invites injury. Health requires this relaxation, this aimless life. This life in the present.

I don’t like to quote myself but unfortunately everybody I know who should be quoting me is dead.

We're changing things, in many cases in irreparable ways, and that will certainly be recorded in the geological record.

I repeat my demand that the occupier leave the land of our beloved Iraq unconditionally, without retaining bases or signing agreements.