In a genre where most of the artists are one-hit wonders, I've been able to hang around longer than most "serious" acts. I pride myself in being a very talented leech.

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads.”

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab.

You can never deceive or manipulate the future. Whatever it is you contribute towards it, is exactly what it will compensate you for.

Joy is a net of love in which you can catch souls.

They can do without architecture who have no olives nor wines in the cellar.

Kids are afraid that if they race too fast they will get tired. Way too much fear and way too little COURAGE.

The idea of revenge coming from a 14-year-old girl isn't, you know, exactly right.

Liberty is always unfinished business

You only grow by coming to the end of something and by beginning something else.

It took me a very long time to heal. It was a shock to my system.

I think the big force is going to be consumer buying power.

Anyone can sleep with a guy in 24-48 hours, but you're sending the wrong signal to the guy if you do that.