If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

In the time it takes us to look beyond the lies, we could be sailing in each other's eyes.

Need we add that mathematicians themselves are not infallible?

If we're going to have debates, let's have real debates.

Media companies, under the guise of piracy, are asking congress to give them more control over fair use. Hollywood wants to control innovation.

You may feel that you have eaten too much...But this pastry is like feathers - it is like snow. It is in fact good for you, a digestive!

I've gotten used to the point where I'm so used to being sweaty! I like to wear less makeup and be tougher!

Making work without memory is probably one of my biggest fears. It would be indistinguishable from work that is lazy.

I remember going through the cafeteria line and telling every kid that Nixon was in favor of school on Saturdays. It was my first political trick.

There's always some room for improvisation.

Whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends [life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness] it is the right of the people to alter or abolish it, and to institute new government.