If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

And if you think you're alone. Put on my music. Because I'm going to be there for you.

Abuse can take many forms. It always involves a boundary violation, although every boundary violation is not necessarily abuse.

The main lesson about prayer is just this: Do it! Do it! Do it! You want to be taught to pray? My answer is: pray.

Pets are the world to me. I think they are the most obvious manifestations of divine love that we are going to see this side of eternity.

Prayer is the fruit of joy and thankfulness.

I hate when you go into a nice restaurant - someplace where youre going to spend good money - and there are kids in there crying.

I'm sorry that the family I was given has created so much chaos in the family I've chosen.

Life is not what you expected it to be.

I try to create homes, not houses.

So my degree was in political science, which I think was - the closest I could come to marketing is politics.