I wasn’t invited to be on staff at the Simpsons because they didn’t want any women on staff at the time.

What do women want? Shoes.

What becomes of the broken-hearted? They buy shoes.

Planning your own coming-of-age experience may wither you prematurely, but just think of it this way: If you can get through this, childbirth should be a breeze.

Of all the wonderful things that men and women share, shoes, tragically, are not one of them. This is because men lack the shoe chromosome.

Walking in high heels should be made an Olympic sport.

Remember when you were eleven years old and you thought how great it would be to get your period? And then you got it? That's what planning a wedding is like.

Even if you're fat, one thing always fits: shoes.

... the running shoe ... could be called the Swiss Army knife of footwear ... What appeal is there to a shoe whose only selling point is comfort?

In LA, it's the law that you must be engaged in writing a screenplay with your hairdresser, pool boy, personal trainer, life coach, dog walker, or yoga instructor.

Your wedding will not be what you think it is going to be, no matter what you think it is going to be.

It is clear that the individual who persecutes a man, his brother, because he is not of the same opinion, is a monster.

Yes. Loving somebody isn't a one time thing, its an everyday thing. Something you do to them, with them, for them. Because of them. Every day, all day. And night." ~Solomon~

I might want to open a hotel and design all the rooms. Or maybe a museum that lets me curate all the events.

If people stand in a circle long enough, they'll eventually begin to dance.

Nice dress you're almost wearing. You ever think about changing professions?" -Ranger

I'm not great with breathing, like holding notes. I usually don't. A lot of people wouldn't believe it, but I don't focus on technical stuff.

Show me someone not full of herself and I'll show you a hungry person.

Were Love exempt from the militations of Necessity, he were greater than God and the World.

In my case, I pay a standard premium to participate in the Federal Employees' Health Benefits Plan for my wife and myself out of each month's paycheck.

Anyone who is not a liberal in his youth has no heart. Anyone who remains so as he matures has no brain!