I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

I don't ever want to be sad about my life.

I'm far from perfect, but I'll be perfect for that imperfect person that's perfect for me.

I think because I came from a very strong news background and people were aware of me from that side of things, they appreciated me as a journalist. Maybe it was less difficult for me.

I feel strikingly domestic. We're in our own world with two busses and trucks.

When life is victorious, there is birth; when it is thwarted, there is death. A warrior is always engaged in a life-and-death struggle for Peace.

I don't like to go to strange places.

if there's one thing consistent about language it is that it is constantly changing. The only languages that do not change are those whose speakers are dead.

I always joke that I'd like to be a cat 'cause then I'll have nine lives, and then I can do like everything. But that's really hard.

My best work is always done... when I'm experimenting. If I stop experimenting I feel it just becomes a drudgery.

When I let some girl take me in her mouth I think this is what Jesus must feel like during communion.