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Steven Wright Quotes: I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
         

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.


Steven Wright
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese



You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?



To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.



If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?



I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.



A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.



If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?



The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?



If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?



Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.





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If only God would give me a clear sign like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

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Protecting the weak is the first step to enlightenment and being truly civilized.

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You see that's what I think is such a terrible, terrible betrayal, the trust that people have in government.

You see that's what I think is such a terrible, terrible betrayal, the trust that people have in government.



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Quote Description


This page presents the quote "I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.". Author of this quote is Steven Wright. This quote is about contact, lenses, circles, eye, ran, dog, my dog, cat,.