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Woody Allen Quotes

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Woody Allen Quotes: "If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans."

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.




Woody Allen Quotes: "Because it's much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine."

Because it's much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.



Woody Allen Quotes: "I can't do anything to death, doctor's orders."

I can't do anything to death, doctor's orders.



Woody Allen Quotes: "I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying."

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.




Woody Allen Quotes: "If Jesus came back and saw what was going on in his name, he'd never stop throwing-up."

If Jesus came back and saw what was going on in his name, he'd never stop throwing-up.



Woody Allen Quotes: "I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam I looked into the soul of the boy next to me."

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.



Woody Allen Quotes: "I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland."

I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.




Woody Allen Quotes: "Showing up is 80 percent of life."

Showing up is 80 percent of life.



Woody Allen Quotes: "Showing up is eighty percent of life."

Showing up is eighty percent of life.



Woody Allen Quotes: "You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ."

You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ.



Woody Allen Quotes: "If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank."

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.



Woody Allen Quotes: "I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens."

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.




Woody Allen Quotes: "I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia."

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.



Woody Allen Quotes: "If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse."

If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.



Woody Allen Quotes: "Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic."

Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.



Woody Allen Quotes: "Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea."

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.



Woody Allen Quotes: "If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up."

If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.



Woody Allen Quotes: "I don't want to achieve immortality through my work I want to achieve it through not dying."

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work I want to achieve it through not dying.



Woody Allen Quotes: "I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox."

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.



Woody Allen Quotes: "Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate."

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.



Woody Allen Quotes: "Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college, "

Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college,



Woody Allen Quotes: "I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers and they are going to make a game out of it."

I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers and they are going to make a game out of it.



Woody Allen Quotes: "Ninety percent of living is just showing up."

Ninety percent of living is just showing up.



Woody Allen Quotes: "I feel about New York as a child whose father is a bank robber. Not perfect but I still love him."

I feel about New York as a child whose father is a bank robber. Not perfect but I still love him.



Woody Allen Quotes: "Life doesn't imitate art it imitates bad television."

Life doesn't imitate art it imitates bad television.



Woody Allen Quotes: "I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100."

I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.



Woody Allen Quotes: "My brain? That's my second favorite organ."

My brain? That's my second favorite organ.



Woody Allen Quotes: "I do not believe in an afterlife although I am bringing a change of underwear."

I do not believe in an afterlife although I am bringing a change of underwear.



Woody Allen Quotes: "Some guy hit my fender the other day and I said unto him "Be fruitful and multiply." But not in those words."

Some guy hit my fender the other day and I said unto him "Be fruitful and multiply." But not in those words.



Woody Allen Quotes: "It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better, [Cloquet thought, ] while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more."

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better, [Cloquet thought, ] while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.



Woody Allen Quotes: "I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me."

I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.



Woody Allen Quotes: "Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons."

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.



Woody Allen Quotes: "I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak."

I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak.



Woody Allen Quotes: "Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be there when it happens."

Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be there when it happens.



Woody Allen Quotes: "My one regret in life is that I am not someone else."

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.



Woody Allen Quotes: "There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more."

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.



Woody Allen Quotes: "I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear."

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.



Woody Allen Quotes: "You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to a hundred."

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to a hundred.



Woody Allen Quotes: "I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens."

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.



Woody Allen Quotes: "One must have one's delusions to live. If you look at life too honestly and clearly, life becomes unbearable because it's a pretty grim enterprise, you will admit."

One must have one's delusions to live. If you look at life too honestly and clearly, life becomes unbearable because it's a pretty grim enterprise, you will admit.



Woody Allen Quotes: "Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!"

Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!



Woody Allen Quotes: "If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever."

If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.



Woody Allen Quotes: "We Are The Sum Total Of Our Choices..."

We Are The Sum Total Of Our Choices...



Woody Allen Quotes: "The best thing to do is to behave in a manner befitting one's age. If you are sixteen and under try not to go bald."

The best thing to do is to behave in a manner befitting one's age. If you are sixteen and under try not to go bald.



Woody Allen Quotes: "All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are Socrates."

All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are Socrates.



Woody Allen Quotes: "I failed to make the chess team because of my height."

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.



Woody Allen Quotes: "I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose."

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.



Woody Allen Quotes: "If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job."

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.



Woody Allen Quotes: "If you're not failing you're not trying anything."

If you're not failing you're not trying anything.