Woody Allen Quotes

I don't believe in God. Just try getting a plumber on the weekend.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

Because it's much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.

I can't do anything to death, doctor's orders.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

The most expensive sex is free sex

If Jesus came back and saw what was going on in his name, he'd never stop throwing-up.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.

Showing up is 80 percent of life.

Showing up is eighty percent of life.

You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.

Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.

I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.

If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.