I pray if I ever find out I have only about three minutes to live it's during a basketball game, because then I'll have, what, 10, 12 years to live?

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping.

I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.

My fashion philosophy is, if you're not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.

It doesn't bother me that I'm not a household word on the East Coast. Baton Rouge, Raleigh, Minneapolis - I'm so popular in these cities where you've never imagined an East Coast comedian working.

Creativity means bringing simplicity to the existing.

We were kissing like it was a long-forgotten language that we'd once been fluent in and were finding again

The prayer of faith is the only power in the universe to which the great Jehovah yields.

Then a little voice in him said, Let go, let go, let go

I'm just a little bit sicker then the average individual I think.

I was so self -conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me.

Homeopathy is a progressive and aggressive step in medicine.

If I notice a cute girl at the meet-and-greet, I might go and talk to her.

Tis the privilege of Art Thus to play its cheerful part, Man on earth to acclimate And bend the exile to his fate.

What I want is to create a discussion about what is happening around the world and to provoke some debate with these pictures. Nothing more than this.