I only know two pieces; one is 'Clair de Lune' and the other one isn't.

Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.

Laughter is the closest distance between two people.

Always remember to forget the things that made you sad, but never forget to remember the things that made you glad.

Many people have asked me why there are three pedals in these grand pianos. Well the pedal in the middle is there to separate the two other pedals.

Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.

A Smile is a curve which can set a lot of things straight.

One afternoon, when I was four years old, my father came home, and he found me in the living room in front of a roaring fire, which made him very angry. Because we didn't have a fireplace.

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

Clarinets, like lawyers, have cases, mouthpieces, and they need a constant supply of hot air in order to function.

I don't mind growing old. I'm just not used to it.

In retrospect, crappy chemicals in my brain were working overtime, driving me to destroy myself, like that thing that makes lemmings throw them¬selves over a cliff.

You fail to see the endless sky when you have a tunnel vision

Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon. I am the first man to piss his pants on the moon.

One thing that Life and I agreed right from the start was that one war photographer was enough for my family; I was to be a photographer of peace.

Beyonce was just always full-out. She's like a beast. So you learn that no matter how you feel, just do it. Just like Nike: 'Just Do It.'

I think a lot guys get laid pretending to be Shaggy 2 Dope because without his paint he's a lot more unrecognizable. He's not a gimpy gorilla like me.

If we lose a game, I change up what I did that day, like if I eat something that day I will not eat the same thing again the next game day.

The I of the basic word I-Thou is different from that of the basic word I-It.

Against those skilled in attack, an enemy does not know where to defend; against the experts in defense, the enemy does not know where to attack.

NASA even sent Chuck Berry's music on a space probe searching for intelligent life in outer space. Well, now, if they're out there, they're duck walking