I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian.

I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.

I'm a late-night guy.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.

When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.

Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.

Life is to life in such a way that we are not afraid to die.

It's odd that men feel they must protect women, since for the most part they must be protected from men.

True cultural connection is the Holy Grail for brands if they want to create an enduring emotional relationship with people.

We must invest in infrastructure development and rebuilding communities to create jobs.

If I wrote you a love letter, would you write back?

More than guided missiles, all the world needs guided men.

There are hearts, reader, that never mend again once they are broken. Or if they do mend, they heal themselves in a crooked and lopsided way, as if sewn together by a careless craftsman.

I love wearing a lot of color, and I am majorly into scarves. I'm the Beau Brummell of Fleetwood Mac, no doubt.

I am not liked as a President by the politicians in office, in the press, or in Congress. But I am content to abide the judgment - the sober second thought - of the people.

I didn't have a normal childhood by any means.