Harpo, she's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds one.

There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.

I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left.

Once he makes up his mind, he's full of indecision. - On Dwight D. Eisenhower

Schizophrenia beats dining alone.

The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.

A politician is a man who will double cross that bridge when he comes to it.

It'd be nice to please everyone but I thought it would be more interesting to have a point of view.

Love can extend far beyond the people whom we know and it makes us a part of something much greater than ourselves.

-I think you are inhuman. If I leave you, who will you go to? Would you find another lover?I said nothing.-Deny it, damn you!

You need a very good financial person to keep you honest, and to keep track of income and outgo.

Become empty to become complete, for it is the void that defines the form.

In opposing Communism, we are defeating ourselves if we use methods that do not conform to the American sense of justice.

Without "Louie Louie" a symphony is not quite so grand.

Innocence does not protect you from the evil designs of others.

The hardest thing in comedy is to have the biggest laugh at the end, and it’s the most satisfying thing.

My grandfather would live to see his children become doctors and ministers, accounts and professors.

Good boys are nice - don't go for the bad ones!