Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

We are social and political creatures but foremost we are a biological one. Our feelings, sentiments, emotions and attractions are generally because of our biological structure and appearance.

[W]hat makes earth feel like Hell is our expectation that it should feel like Heaven.

A lot of my nonfiction is very strong environmental stories - I was the first guy to write about the dolphin killings in Japan.

War, like most other things, is a science to be acquired and perfected by diligence, by perserverance, by time, and by practice.

All the untidyactivity continues, awful but cheerful.

Atrocity is truly emperor; All things that thrive are slaves of cruel Creation.

Day-colored wine, night-colored wine, wine with purple feet or wine with topaz blood, wine, starry child of earth.

Almost all the voices in history have been men, but on this one question of gender, men don't talk about it. This has nothing to do with women; it has to do with men.

Many feel they are called to the priesthood, but what they really hear is an inner voice saying, 'It's indoor work with no heavy lifting, do you want to be a ploughman like your father?'

Some say, what is the Salvation of the Movies? I say, run 'em backwards. It can't hurt 'em and it's worth a trial.