Any guy that refers to dating women as the hunt or being on the prowl should be evaluated for a number of conditions.

I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.

I'm a late-night guy.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.

When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.

Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.

Responsibility entails that we demand and work for the change or transformation we yearn for in our society instead of wishful thoughts.

I am perfectly sane. But then again, 94% of psychotics think they are perfectly sane. So we have to ask ourselves, what is sane?

I've always looked for the perfect life to step into. I've taken all the paths to get where I wanted. But no matter where I go, I still come home.

Where there's a will, there's a lawsuit.

I have an amazing wife, Tia, and an amazing son, Cree, and I'm a family man first and they keep me grounded. They're my support system, so they make me stronger.

The nobility which exists within any cause is to be found not in any achievement, but instead within the struggle.

If thou love each thing thou wilt perceive the mystery of God in all.

I could probably say a lot of things, but I'm not sure they'd be fit for publication.

People equate sexy with promiscuous. They think that because I'm shaped this way, I must be scandalous - like running around and bringing men into my hotel room. But it's just the opposite.

I just want everyone to know that 20,000 gun laws in the United States are unconstitutional. They infringe on your right to protect your life, the lives of your loved ones, and your property.