All these years I've sat in airports and kind of drawn people and put like Far Side captions on them.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

The stalker, meanwhile, stepped into the road. Didn’t even check for traffic. There wasn’t any, but something told me this was lucky for traffic rather than the stalker.

Even five minutes of your time can make someone’s day,

The reason why lovers and their mistresses never tire of being together is that they are always talking of themselves.

I was a little self-centered gutter punk in the early 1980s and all I wanted to do was diss everybody.

I wanted to be considered a good craftsman. I wanted my dresses to be constructed like buildings, molded to the curves of the female form, stylizing its shape.

There is no religion in fact that I know that encourages or propagates violence in that its adherents should carry out.

If you shift from compulsiveness to consciousness, being joyful will not be an effort.

United States foreign policy, which includes national security, is literally disintegrating before our eyes.

Life is not a series of gig lamps symmetrically arranged; life is a luminous halo, a semi-transparent envelope surrounding us from the beginning of consciousness to the end.

Every single person has leadership ability. Some step up and take them. Some don't. My answer was to step up and lead.