Humor Quotes

The great thing about America is everybody should vote.

It is not Reaganesque to support a tax plan that is Clinton in nature.

A tax cut is really one of the anecdotes to coming out of an economic illness.

If Bob Dylan really is an historian in and of himself in his work, in his performances, he is also an historian with a unique sense of humor. There's always been a bit of a stand-up comic in him.

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife.

What restrains us from killing is partly fear of punishment, partly moral scruple, and partly what may be described as a sense of humor

There are a lot of movies with vampires and monsters and super-great effects, but if there's no humor or human relations, I don't think it's ever worth seeing.

I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here?

A sense of humor is regarded as a sign of mental health - apart from excessive punning, which is another matter entirely.

My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.

My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.

Doctor says to a man, "You're pregnant!" The man says, "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says, "The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner...."

My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.

I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?

Some people are so dry that you might soak them in a joke for a month and it would not get through their skins.

I regard the writing of humor as a supreme artistic challenge.

Knowing that pain and conflict is just change trying to happen, that there is something beautiful on the other side, that it is just a cycle is helpful. Humor is always essential.

If you don't grow up by age 35, you don't have to.

Forever is a very long time, especially the bit towards the end.

A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers.

If your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck.

If you had to choose only two qualities to get you through times of change, the first should be a sense of self-worth and the second a sense of humor.

That noise in my earphones knocked my nose off and I had to pick it up and find it.

The ballgame is over...in this inning.

I feel like humor is the answer to everything. If you have a little bit of humor in the shaker and you can sprinkle that on, that's your answer.

There is, I think, humor here which does not translate well from English into sanity.

I was always the clown in school. I had a personal put down sense of humor. I wasn't vindictive. I didn't make fun of people.

I didn't see much besides Melbourne and a quick trip down to the Twelve Apostles, but all the Aussies I encountered were good-spirited and had a fine sense of humor.

But, as my mother used to tell me, two wrongs don't make a right. But I soon figured out that three left turns do.

The Germans have a wonderful combination of pathos, energy, and humor. They are like Californians with an education.

I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.

Frances Bellamy thought the changes spoiled the poetry of it. He was a pretty stern guy. Everybody has some sense of humor, but I don't think he had much.

I think humor is incredibly positive, I think it is life advancing. There's medical research to show that it improves your antibodies. It's all about sense and perspective.

Humor is the easiest to achieve; the 'heart' is always the toughest, because you can't tell people to feel a certain way.

Humor is a hole that lets the sawdust out of a stuffed shirt.

I chose Eat: LA as a broadcast partner because of its good taste, sense of humor, and spirit of adventure.

You have to maintain who you are as a person and stay true to yourself - that's my biggest moral as a human being, as well as a very self-deprecating sense of humor.

... humility + humor = humanity.

You know, quite a few species of fish require two or more sexual partners.

Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground.

I don't really think of myself as quirky; I have sort of an unusual sense of humor.

At the heart of quantum mechanics is a rule that sometimes governs politicians or CEOs-as long as no one is watching, anything goes.

When I've had a meltdown, people will say to me, "Well, you failed to keep your sense of humor."

It's a more ridiculing, divisive humor today.

MASH offered real characters and everybody identified with them because they had such soul. The humor was intelligent and it always assumed that you had an intellect.

What people get admired and appreciated for in community are their soft skills: their sense of humor and timing, their ability to listen, their courage and honesty, their capacity for empathy.

The way I figure it, if you can't tell I'm high by looking at me, I win.

I'm just saying, 'Hey, throw me a bone. How about a smile, cute t-shirt? Look at me.' Nothing - unless it's a turn to their friends to go, 'Hey, why is that weird guy looking at us?'

I'm proud to be part of a generation where reading is a 'look.'

We grant God the possession of all the qualities of mind except the one that keeps the others healthy; that watches over their dignity; that focuses their vision true--humor.