A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

Most scars are destined long before they are experienced. Healing is however, a choice.

Humility evolves with every hardship.

Regard the society of women as a necessary unpleasantness of social life and avoid it as much as possible.

It is only when the rich are sick that they fully feel the impotence of wealth.

Love, joy, and peace cannot flourish until you have freed yourself from mind dominance.

Nine times out of ten, in the arts as in life, there is actually no truth to be discovered; there is only error to be exposed.

Some people want everything to be perfect before they're willing to commit... But commitment always precedes achievement.

Moderation in all things is best, but it's pretty hard to get excited about it.

I hear poetry whenever I turn on the radio. Eminem is a better poet than just about everybody. He's better than Billy Collins; he's better than Richard Wilbur; he's better than me.

At a certain age some people's minds close up; they live on their intellectual fat.