Humor Quotes
I was thinking...""We know, " Pedro said, "It was like sitting next to a pressure cooker
Always think backwards before moving forwards
Why do I spend every moment with you thinking about why I did not go in the opposite direction when I had the chance?
Chances are that there are white people who brag about being the first to move out of a suburb that has been intruded by blacks.
It wasn’t fair, he thought — Aaron having no family and Tamara having her scary family and now Jasper. Soon, there would be no one left for him to hate without feeling bad about it.
I met a woman who told me she wasn't attracted to Asians. No worries, I said. I'm not attracted to racists.
The most diplomatic statement you can use for the person you hate:"If I would have water, and you would be on fire, ...I would drink IT.
Probably no purer incitement to hatred existed, Lydia had found, than being told of anyone or anything: you will love him, her or it. The spirit immediately rose up like a fanged cobra.
I hate pulling out... I mean, I'm really bad at the whole parking thing....
If every one of you was to clean before his own front door, all would be clean of cow flops.
When a political opponent resorts to the racist card, it's a sure sign of moral bankruptcy: there's no decent argument left in the armoury.
I slipped on a turtleneck, laughing when my head became stuck in the turtle part. If they weren't called turtlenecks, I wouldn't have worn them.
The lonely, wistful revisionism of memories is as gratingly repetitive as snow and ice in Canada. I avoid them both at all costs - memories and Canada.
Sit back and enjoy. And remember: Always be careful what you say around your kids.
Are you all right?''How do I look?''Um… You have raven hair, brown eyes and bronzed skin if you didn’t know, and you’re… human.
If there’s any greater exhibit of the malleability of human nature than the sight of someone standing, absently waiting for the light to change at a deserted intersection, I don’t know what it is.
It was Nathaniel's boundless capacity for stating the obvious that made him so charmingly human.
To err is human, to accept full responsibility is to just run with it
You both talk too much, ” the kid says. “Shut up. Don’t make me tell you again.”We shut up, which I find hysterically funny.
Am I afraid of ghosts? My life experience has taught me to be much more afraid of what a human is capable of in broad daylight than what a ghost is capable of at night.
A bookstore is one of the many pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
We need to get acquainted with mediocrity to notice greatness.
There is an enduring freshness in what remains strange and obscure which the cliches of greatness can only evoke nostalgia for.
You should spend more time reading the Good Book and less reading all those novels. What are you going to tell the Lord on Judgement Day when He asks you why you didn't read your bible?
I got over shy a really long time ago. I'm queer, I'm feline, get used to it.
I'm fully aware that some of the stuff I write is going to offend people or p*ss them off. They should be fully aware that I don't really care.
Sure, I liked girls but I was always too terrified to speak to them unless we were arguing or I was calling them stupidos, which was one of my favorite words that year.
As far as I know, I'm the most honest person I’ve met in this life.
Oh, yes he does. He's a scientist, and they know everything. Religion is crap, " declared Listen."You're the most obnoxious little brat I've ever met.""Both of you be quiet,
People seem to overlook an old man losing his mind if he occasionally made light of it.
You are having a bad day? Remember it could always be worse... It could be me having a bad day!
Whoever said ignorance is bliss must have died a horrible death with a really surprised look on his face.
On the Kite, the situation was being 'workshopped'. This is the means by which people who don't know anything get together to pool their ignorance.
It is only when the mirror has not spoken to Chimpanzee in a plain language that it thinks it looks more better than the Gorilla
He who loves lies suffers from no disease than lies! He who believes in and acts upon lies suffers from no disease than ignorance!
Don't ever mistake silence for ignorance, when it is obviously stupidity
We thought it was nice of you to let him have a go, because, in England, he wouldn't be trusted with a pair of scissors.