Humor Humour Quotes
Humor Humour Quote of the day
...There are too many idiots in this world. And having said it, I have the burden of proving it.
I'm tired of this back-slappin' "isn't humanity neat" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes.
A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.
It is a fair, even-handed, noble adjustment of things, that while there is infection in disease and sorrow, there is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humour.
I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Everywhere's been where it is ever since it was first put there. It's called geography.
And all dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty deeds, to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before--and thus was the Empire forged.
That's part of our policy, is not to be taken seriously because I think our opposition, whoever they may be in all their manifest forms, don't know how to handle humour.
Nothing is more curious than the almost savage hostility that Humour excites in those who lack it.
I don’t know if you have had the same experience, but the snag I always come up against when I’m telling a story is this dashed difficult problem of where to begin it.
Keeping an active mind has been vital to my survival, as has been maintaining a sense of humor.
He awoke at six, as usual. He needed no alarm clock. He was already comprehensively alarmed.
Humor is what happens when we're told the truth quicker and more directly than we're used to.
Had that poor Reilly kook really been proud of Levy Pants? He had always said that he was. That was one good sign of his insanity.
Time is the worst place, so to speak, to get lost in, as Arthur Dent could testify, having been lost in both time and space a good deal. At least being lost in space kept you busy.
...the primary paradox that man is superior to all the things around him and yet is at their mercy.
Never in all her life had she imagined that this idolized millinery could look, to those who paid for it, like the decorations of an insane monkey.
But who wants to be foretold the weather? It is bad enough when it comes, without our having the misery of knowing about it beforehand.
What if I got hit by lightning while walking with an umbrella? Ban umbrellas! Fight the menace of lightning!
People don't deserve the restraint we show by not going into delirium in front of them.
Don't talk for five minutes, there's a good chap! I've a strange feeling come over me--almost as if I were going to think!
The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.
Hey, Geekoid!" yelled Duncan Dougal, "Why do you read so much? Don't you know how to watch TV?
You set fire to my house, killed my family, and ate my dog. But steal my boyfriend? That's a step too far.
It kind of struck me how great it would be to go out with a guy that size. And if you, you know, got tired of dating him, you could always use him as a house or something.
Tempted to type meaningless twaddle all the time on Twitter...with alliteration, no less!
I learned early and at that kitchen table that there are ways of avoiding, without guilt, the commitments of love.
Got to say, dying would really wreck my best day. Been there, done that, and now that I think about it, Artemis forgot to give me the t-shirt.
Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that. - T-shirt
It had to be hammered home quite a bit because I didn't see any humour in my life at all.
YOU are the big drop of dew under the lotus leaf, I am the smaller one on its upper side, 'said the dewdrop to the lake.
God in his infinite wisdomDid not make me very wise-So when my actions are stupidThey hardly take God by surprise.
. . . confirmed libertines don't reform until they're tired . . .
Thought for the day: Twitter...140 character limit...must be a great tool for fortune cookie writers...
I had an aunt named 'abnormal Shauna' once. But she passed away in an unfortunate cliff-top interpretative dance and fireworks accident.
If you find yourself cutting corners, go in a circle instead
This is no tall story. Nor is it a short story. Indeed, a story cannot be measured, for their realities stretch far beyond a page or one person’s life.
Shit happens. You can either stand their and complain about the smell or you can wipe your shoe and keep walking.
The perfect body protects its owner from disease, gives birth to amazing new people and stops your bones from falling out. The end.
