The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.

Enjoy your life today because yesterday had gone and tomorrow may never come

I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.

Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear.

There are many mysteries in old age but the greatest, surely, is this: in those adverts for walk-in bathtubs, why doesn't all the water gush out when you get in?

Television is more interesting than people. If it were not we should have people standing in the corner of our room.

Strictly speaking, the land does not exist; it is merely dehydrated sea.

Malta is the only country in the world where the local delicacy is the bread.

Being a personality is not the same thing as having a personality.

All I know of birds to this date is that sparrows are the ones that are not pigeons.

A humorist tells himself every morning, "I hope it's going to be a rough day." When things are going well, it's much harder to make the right jokes.

These two oo in "book" are like the two eyes of a reader who fell in love with a story.

his burden didn't feel any lighter. but he felt strong enough to carry it

A man's as miserable as he thinks he is.

I do get to have my normal childhood. I just love to get together with my friends and family and have a good time.

I came up in the community center. I used to be physical director of the South Central Community Center in Chicago on 83rd. It's still there. It used to be around there when I was a kid.

He who would accomplish little must sacrifice little; he who would achieve much must sacrifice much; he who would attain highly must sacrifice greatly.

A coward dies a thousand deaths, the gallant never taste of death but once.

Spring is the ultimate genius of the existence and the utter ladder of the lovers ascending to the infinity.

The best work that I am able to do is when I am willing to write about questions I haven't quite figured out, or things I'm really wrestling with, things that keep me up at night.

It will be proper to take a review of the several sources from which governments have arisen, and on which they have been founded.