Funny Quotes
If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
I was born by Caesarian section . . . but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window.
I saw a small bottle of cologne and asked if it was for sale. She said, "It's free with purchase." I asked her if anyone bought anything toda
I moved into an all-electric house. I forgot and left the porch light on all day. When I got home the front door wouldn't open.
The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.
I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street.
Do you know, it's funny, but I never thought of being blind as a disadvantage, and I never thought of being black as a disadvantage.
Ours is a society in which secrets of private life that, formerly, you would have given nearly anything to conceal, you now clamor to get on a television show to reveal.
It was amazing how many friends you could make by being bad at things, provided you were bad enough to be funny.
I could not extrapolate some emotion from any song after 1997 so I bought a drum machine and popped pills. The pink ones make me funny like elephants!
White Collar' is a show about the unlikely pairing of an FBI agent and an ex-con solving smart, glamorous, interesting and provocative crimes in a sometimes very funny way.
One lion thinks it's just hilarious to tackle us. He's very funny about it... and we always know when it will happen.
One longs to be funny, to make people laugh. Laughter is such a sign of approval, isn't it?
My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.
If Diane Modahl was 40 times over the testosterone limit she'd have a deep voice and we'd all be calling her Barry White.
Being funny wasn't a career choice growing up, it was my way out of situations; a way to survive another day.
Billy Tauzin is one of the most interesting people in Washington. He is smart, funny, and interesting.
This is going to sound really funny. I have a poster of Zac Efron on my wall! I think every girl has a poster of him in their room so, why not join the club!
I like to write about love plus an obstacle. Not a really big obstacle; not too serious and not too funny. Just somewhere nicely in between - a combination of the two.
I think my way of being "funny" is just saying things that people think but have learned not to say, whereas, I haven't learned not to say them.
In my youth I hoped to do great things; now I shall be satisfied to get through without scandal.
I like Nora Ephron. She wasn't a critic in the strictest sense of the word, but she did a lot of social criticism. She was so funny and so in the right place at the right time.
I love watching people be totally committed in a very real way to stupid situations. I find it's not so much trying to be funny, it's trying to be real in a messed up context. That's comedy to me.
As you set off into the world, don't be afraid to question your leaders. But don't ask too many questions at one time or that are too hard because your leaders get tired and/or cranky.
You shouldn't say anything mean about people who can't read. You should write it instead.
